My Journey to Healing: Navigating Abandonment and Recovery as an Adoptee
My Personal Journey:
Adoption can be a beautiful journey, but it carries its own set of challenges, particularly feelings of rejection and abandonment. Despite being adopted into a loving family, I carried the weight of these emotions. Beautiful stories of being chosen were meant to make me feel loved, but as a child, I understood that to be chosen, I first had to be rejected. It took years to realize there was nothing inherently wrong with me, and now, I'm dedicated to helping other adoptees find the same truth.
Understanding Abandonment:
Abandonment is complex, with adoptees grappling with questions about identity and origins. I emphasize the importance of recognizing these feelings as valid and understanding that healing is a process. The severing of the primal bond between a mother and child, as in adoption, inflicts a deep wound. While societal sympathy is often extended for a child who loses their mother due to death, adoptees' grief is not always acknowledged.
Common Feelings and Signs:
Feelings of abandonment manifest in various ways, affecting trust, self-worth, and relationships. Adoptees may grow up in a state of hyper-vigilance, struggling to form healthy connections and often pushing people away. Society's pressure on adoptees to be grateful complicates the acknowledgment of the trauma associated with abandonment.
Impact on Relationships:
The hypervigilant state I lived in impacted my ability to form close relationships. Pushing people away before they could reject me became a pattern, and the societal expectation of gratitude hindered the recognition of my own trauma. Adoptees may find it challenging to form any relationships at all, fearing rejection.
Dealing with Shame:
Shame is intricately tied to the abandonment wound, making it difficult to distinguish one from the other. I discuss the importance of acknowledging shame rather than avoiding it and how it is often the reason adoptees keep their adoption status a secret. False beliefs or saboteurs stemming from shame can hinder the formation of loving relationships.
Breaking the Cycle:
Breaking the cycle of abandonment is a gradual process that involves acknowledging the abandonment, sharing your story, and seeking a supportive environment. I guide you through identifying and addressing negative beliefs, using a powerful exercise involving a childhood picture to reconnect with your true essence.
The journey to healing is ongoing. Remember, healing is a journey, not a destination. Subscribe for more empowering content, and let's continue embracing the path of self-discovery together. If you are interested in enrolling in my upcoming Webinar entitled, An Adoptee’s Journey to Wholeness or individualized coaching, but still have questions, schedule a free 30-minute call!
Join me on this journey of adoptee healing. Until next time, take care, and keep embracing the path of healing.
Unraveling Your Adoption Journey: Journal Prompts for the Adoptee’s Journey of Self-Discovery
Unraveling Your Adoption Journey is a journal filled with thoughtful journal prompts to help you process all aspects of your adoption journey. Chapters include Unraveling Your Past, Examining the Adoption Process, Recognizing Patterns and Beliefs, Cultivating Self-Trust, Rebuilding Self-esteem, Healing the Inner Child, Exploring Identity, Building Healthy Relationships, and Crafting Your Future. This journal is written by an adoptee especially for adoptees! Available on Amazon.