What Are Triggers?

Have you ever found yourself suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of emotion, seemingly out of nowhere? Maybe it was a song on the radio, a smell, or a passing comment that sent your heart racing or left you feeling like you were in the middle of a storm. These emotional reactions aren’t random—they’re what we call triggers.

A trigger is any stimulus—an event, person, situation, or even a memory—that sets off a reaction in us. For adoptees, triggers can be particularly potent, as they often connect to deep-seated feelings and experiences related to our adoption stories. These triggers tap into the emotional undercurrents of our lives, stirring up feelings of fear, rejection, anger, or sadness that we may have tried to keep buried.

Triggers can be anything from a specific date (like a birthday or adoption anniversary), a place, a piece of music, or even a casual remark that touches on themes of family, belonging, or identity. They’re deeply personal, varying from person to person based on individual experiences. For adoptees, these triggers often tie back to feelings of abandonment, loss, and the complex emotions surrounding our identities. If we become curious about them, they are an opportunity for growth.

Why Do We Have Triggers?

Triggers are essentially our brain’s way of protecting us. They are like the check engine light in your car, warning us that something is going on under the hood. They’re rooted in our past experiences, especially those that were traumatic or emotionally intense. When we go through something painful, our brain makes a note of it, almost like a mental sticky note that says, “Remember this—it hurt.” The next time something similar comes up, our brain sounds the alarm to warn us, in an attempt to shield us from experiencing that same pain again.

For adoptees, our triggers are often linked to the primal wounds of separation and loss. The experience of being separated from our biological families can leave deep emotional imprints that resurface throughout our lives. Even if we’ve grown up in loving adoptive families, the subconscious memory of that initial loss can linger, and certain triggers can bring those feelings rushing back to the surface.

It’s important to recognize that triggers aren’t about weakness or being overly sensitive. They’re a natural response to the emotional experiences we’ve lived through. They’re part of our story, and understanding them is a key step in our healing journey.

5 Ways to Deal with Triggers

Now that we’ve unpacked what triggers are and why we have them, let’s talk about how to deal with them. The goal isn’t to eliminate triggers altogether—that’s not realistic—but to develop strategies to manage them when they arise. Here are five ways to navigate your triggers and regain control of your emotional landscape.

1. Identify and Acknowledge Your Triggers

The first step in managing your triggers is to know what they are. This might seem obvious, but triggers can sometimes be subtle or layered, and it takes time and introspection to fully understand them. Pay attention to the moments when you feel an unexpected surge of emotion. What was happening just before you felt that way? What was said, seen, or heard?

Keep a journal or make notes when these moments occur. Over time, you’ll start to see patterns and connections that can help you identify your specific triggers. Acknowledging your triggers is crucial because it brings them out of the shadows and into the light. Once you’re aware of them, they hold less power over you.

2. Practice Grounding Techniques

When a trigger hits, it can feel like you’re being swept away by a tidal wave of emotion. Grounding techniques are a way to anchor yourself, bringing your focus back to the present moment. These techniques help you create a mental and emotional buffer, giving you the space to respond rather than react.

One simple grounding technique is to engage your senses. Take a deep breath and focus on what you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. Describe these sensations to yourself in detail. This practice pulls you out of the emotional whirlwind and into the here and now, reminding your brain that you’re safe.

Another technique is the “5-4-3-2-1” method:

• Name 5 things you can see.

• Name 4 things you can touch.

• Name 3 things you can hear.

• Name 2 things you can smell.

• Name 1 thing you can taste.

This exercise can be especially helpful in moments when you’re feeling overwhelmed by a trigger, as it shifts your focus from your emotions to your environment.

3. Create a Safe Space

Having a safe space—a physical or mental place where you can retreat to when triggered—can be incredibly comforting. This could be a cozy corner of your home where you feel secure, a favorite spot in nature, or even a mental visualization of a place where you feel calm and at peace.

When you feel a trigger coming on, take a moment to retreat to your safe space. This is your personal sanctuary, a place where you can breathe, reflect, and regain your balance. You might choose to meditate, practice deep breathing, or simply sit in silence until you feel more grounded.

If your safe space is a mental one, close your eyes and imagine yourself there. Picture every detail—what it looks like, how it smells, the sounds you hear, and the feelings of safety it brings. This visualization can help you create a mental shield against the emotional impact of your trigger.

4. Engage in Self-Care and Self-Compassion

When triggers hit, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism or feel overwhelmed by negative emotions. This is where self-care and self-compassion come in. Instead of judging yourself for being triggered, approach yourself with kindness and understanding.

Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate; it’s about doing what nourishes your soul and helps you feel cared for. This might mean taking a warm bath, going for a walk, reading a favorite book, or spending time with a beloved pet. The key is to choose activities that help you reconnect with yourself and bring a sense of comfort.

Self-compassion is about treating yourself as you would a dear friend who’s going through a tough time. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, and that it’s part of your journey. Speak to yourself with kindness, offering words of reassurance and support. Remember, being triggered doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re human, navigating the complexities of your experiences.

5. Seek Support When Needed

Sometimes, triggers can be too overwhelming to handle on our own, and that’s okay. Seeking support from others is a sign of strength, not weakness. This could mean reaching out to a trusted friend, joining a support group, or working with a coach who understands the unique challenges of being an adoptee.

Talking about your triggers with someone who gets it can be incredibly validating. It reminds you that you’re not alone in this, and that there are people who can offer insights, support, and comfort. A coach, in particular, can help you develop personalized strategies to cope with your triggers and work through the underlying emotions.

In my own journey, I’ve found that connection with others who share similar experiences can be a powerful antidote to the isolation that triggers can bring. Whether it’s through one-on-one conversations or being part of a community, having that support network can make a world of difference. Join an Adoptees Connect group HERE.

Conclusion: Embracing Your Triggers as Part of Your Healing Journey

Triggers are a part of life, especially for those of us navigating the complexities of adoption. While they can be challenging, they’re also opportunities for growth and healing. Each time a trigger arises, it’s a chance to understand yourself better, to peel back another layer of your story, and to care for yourself in a deeper way. By recognizing the trigger and having a plan to address it, you take away its power.

Remember, dealing with triggers isn’t about erasing them—it’s about learning how to respond to them with compassion and resilience. By identifying your triggers, practicing grounding techniques, creating safe spaces, engaging in self-care, and seeking support, you can turn these emotional waves into opportunities for healing and self-discovery.

As you continue on your journey, know that you have the strength to navigate your triggers. They are not a sign of weakness but a testament to the depth of your experience and the resilience of your spirit. Embrace them as part of your story, and let them guide you toward greater understanding, compassion, and freedom.

🌟Join me on September 24th for a powerful workshop on understanding and managing triggers. Learn how to identify what sets you off, why it happens, and discover practical strategies to take control of your reactions. Let’s work together to turn your triggers into tools for growth and healing. Space is limited. Reserve your spot today! Register HERE!