Welcome to a profound exploration of the emotional terrain that accompanies the beautiful journey of adoption! As a life coach and fellow adoptee, I understand the deep significance of adoption and the complexities it brings to the lives of both parents and children. In this heartfelt blog post, we will delve into the seven core issues of adoption: loss, rejection, grief, identity, control, guilt/shame, and intimacy/relationships. Embrace this voyage of understanding, healing, and growth, as we shed light on the emotional aspects of adoption and how to navigate them with compassion and strength.

Today we are going to take a look at loss and how it affects the adapted person.

 Loss: Embracing a New Beginning 

Adoption involves the profound experience of loss for all parties involved. Adopted children grapple with feelings of loss surrounding their biological heritage. The Center for Adoption Support and Education names loss if the foundational issue. Loss is like the hub of a large wheel, without loss there would be no adoption. All adaptive persons have experienced at least one major, life altering loss before becoming involved in adoption. The adoptee suffers the first loss at their initial separation from their birth family when they are young and most vulnerable. Many times, a separation happens shortly after birth. When a child is separated from its mother it is called the primal wound. Awareness of the adaptive status is inevitable. Even if the loss is beyond conscious awareness, recognition, or vocabulary, it affects the adaptive person on a very profound level.

For the adopted person, loss is not a single event, but rather a series of ongoing losses. For example, and adoption can include, siblings, family traditions, loss of culture, pets, friends, anyone with a physical resemblance, foster families and to be normal like the friends who are growing up with the families they were born to. The losses go on and on.

Whenever possible, families must work to minimize loss for their children by keeping their connections to important people, places and events. Adaptive parents must be assertive to acquire information about their children's lives before they came into their family. These may include pictures, videos, old clothing or blankets.

Because loss is always a part of adapted children's lives, it is crucial to support their expression of these losses in order to begin the healing process. For young children, nonverbal expression through art, music, puppets, or play may be most effective. Older children and adults benefit from being encouraged to write down all the losses- from the big ones to the little ones. Making losses concrete allows for the grief work to begin.

 Ready to dive deeper into your journey as an adoptee? Download our FREE guide, "Navigating Your Identity: A Guide for Adult Adoptees," and unlock valuable tools and insights to support your self-discovery.

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Join me next week when we dive in to the second core issue of adoption which is rejection.