Imagine what it would be like to look in the mirror and have no idea where you came from, who you resemble, or who you are.

This is the experience and challenge for many foster and adopted children, especially those adopted at infancy or a young age with no memory of their first family.

The search for self is universal and ongoing. For fosters,  adoptees and non adoptees alike, an understanding of the self is one of the primary tasks of physiological development.

As many authorities in the adoption field have noted, adaptees and foster children  have a particularly complex task in their search for self. When you live with your biological family, you have guideposts to help you along. You can see bits of your own future reflected in your parents, pieces of your own personality echoed in your brothers and sisters.

For the most part, adoptees’ search is the search for themselves, for completeness, to know their own beginnings.

One of the things that foster children and adoptees miss out on, is genetic mirroring. Genetic mirroring is the reflection of our inherited traits, be it physical, psychological or emotional from our biological heritage. So why is genetic mirroring so important for these youth? Because it provides a basis of familiarity to your cultural, ethnic and racial groups and if you are adopted or fostered by a different culture, ethnic or racial family you didn't receive the daily dose of genetic markers which help you develop a healthy sense of identity. Even when a child is placed within the same culture or race, the lack of genetic markers is still apparent. When you grow up in your biological family you have those markers. You can tell you walk like your mother, you laugh like your aunt, or you have your father's eyes. When you're adopted there is nobody in your world that looks or laughs like you or has your personality. When you grow up in your biological family, you can see glimpses of your future with your parents, and the genetic connection to your siblings. When you grow up without these genetic markers you grow up not knowing where you came from or where you belong. Not knowing where one comes from can hold a person back from developing themselves. We are always seeking identity.

So what are some of the things that are known to be genetic markers? They are personality type, temperament, emotional and rational style, learning style, gender differences, talents, and our strengths and weaknesses, and resilience to trauma.

There are few such clues for someone who is adopted or in foster care. These youth often talk about certain “cut-offs” in their history, from their birth parents, their extended birth family, their awareness of their genetic inheritance, and sometimes their ethnic or racial origins.

Children placed after early childhood will have developed many behaviors that are cultural as these are some of the earliest learned unconscious behaviors.

The question, “Would I be different if I had stayed with my birth parents?” is a very common question. It makes sense that youth would consider what they may be like if they had lived a different kind of life with different people.

The greater the cultural or economic differences between the birth family and the placement family, the more active this exploration may be.

Nurturing Identity Formation

1.    Talk with the youth about any items, photos, documents, and momentos that are important to them.

If they do not have any of these items, work with the youth to create them, and include actual items, or symbols they wish to include. These could be photographs of schools they attended, Pictures of other foster homes they were in, pictures they may have, blankets, stuffed animals or toys.

2.    Photography: give children and youth the assignment to take photos of things that represent who they are, and photograph their world, creating a photo album that is all about them. They can do this on a phone or with a camera.

3.    Music and poetry: creating a rap, or writing a song or poem, using the child's interest in music or poetry can be another way of helping a child or youth express their identity.

4.    Collages: have children and teens cut out words and pictures from magazines that represent themselves and create a collage with a theme. The theme could be,” how I see myself” or “how I want others to see me”. Or it could simply be a collage about their family, Pinterest, or talents.

5.    Making masks: using a paper mache mask, have the child or youth draw their “inside self” on the inside of the mask, and their “outside self” on the outside of the mask. Talk to them about the difference between their inside and outside cells, what they keep private and what they show to the world, and how their inside and outside cells are part of their identity.

6.    Journaling: journaling gives the youth the opportunity to write their thoughts on a regular basis and to reflect back over time to see how their thinking has changed. They can journal about specific topic or just in general record their thought for the day. Using an inexpensive journal, and decorating it to make it their own, can set the stage for personal reflection.

In navigating the landscape of identity formation for foster and adopted children, these interventions serve as compass points, guiding them towards a more profound understanding of themselves and their unique narratives.

Ready to dive deeper into your journey as an adoptee? Download our FREE guide, "Navigating Your Identity: A Guide for Adult Adoptees," and unlock valuable tools and insights to support your self-discovery.

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