Holidays bring up all sorts of emotions, don’t they? It’s supposed to be this time of joy, gathering, and warmth—but for many adoptees, the holiday season can feel heavy. We’re surrounded by images of perfect families gathered around tables, matching sweaters, and all those “home for the holidays” vibes. But for adoptees, that picture-perfect scene can stir up deep feelings of loss, loneliness, and sometimes feeling out of place.

Whether you’re spending the holidays with your adoptive family, birth family, both, or alone, this season can make those big emotions we usually manage day-to-day suddenly feel amplified. So, if you’re finding yourself dreading the upcoming season, know that you’re not alone. The struggles many adoptees face around this time are real and shared.

But here’s the thing: while we can’t eliminate the complexities, we can find ways to navigate them. Here are five tips to help make the holidays feel a bit more manageable.

1. Define Your Own Traditions

Sometimes, the traditional holiday rituals might feel more like a reminder of what’s missing than something joyful. Think about what would make the season special for you. Is there a unique tradition you can start? Maybe it's something simple like watching your favorite movie, taking yourself out for a nice meal, or even hosting a holiday gathering with friends who feel like family. Creating traditions that feel personal to you can bring comfort and joy.

2. Plan Ahead for Emotional Moments

Holidays often bring up challenging emotions—whether it's that pang of loss, frustration, or just not feeling fully understood. These are totally normal reactions for adoptees. Try to anticipate when and where these emotions might come up. If you’re spending time with family, let a supportive friend know so you can text them if things get tough. Or, plan some quiet “you time” to step away if things feel overwhelming. It’s all about giving yourself the space to feel what you feel, without judgment.

3. Limit Your Social Media Intake

Social media around the holidays can be one long reel of family photos and “aren’t we just the happiest family” moments. If seeing these images gets to you, it’s okay to take a break. Unplugging for a few days, or limiting the time you spend scrolling, can give you some emotional breathing room. Remember, social media is a highlight reel, not real life. Protect your peace by stepping away from anything that stirs up tough feelings.

4. Take Up a Mindfulness Practice

The holiday season can feel chaotic on the best of days. When you’re dealing with layers of complicated emotions, this season can feel even more overwhelming. Taking time for mindfulness—even just a few minutes a day—can help ground you. Practices like deep breathing, journaling, or guided meditation are fantastic ways to reconnect with yourself. You could also try a specific practice like Havening or somatic exercises to help release any emotional tension. These small acts of self-care are big when it comes to staying centered.

5. Let Go of the Idea of “Perfect”

For a lot of adoptees, there’s an extra layer of pressure during the holidays—whether it’s to fit into a certain family dynamic or just to feel a certain way. Let’s let that go this year. There’s no “perfect” way to do the holidays. Whatever you feel, however you choose to spend this time, it’s all valid. You’re allowed to feel sad, joyful, grateful, hurt, or any mix of emotions. The more we can let go of that idea of a “perfect” holiday season, the more we allow ourselves to feel what’s truly there.

Remember, You’re Not Alone in This

Holidays can bring out a lot of hidden pain and nostalgia for adoptees. But these feelings are all a part of your unique experience, and they don’t define you. Take things one day at a time, lean on your support system, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need help navigating the season.

Above all, give yourself grace this season. You’re worthy of love, support, and a holiday that brings you peace—whatever that looks like for you.