As October 30th approaches, many of us adoptees feel a tug at our hearts—a subtle yet powerful reminder that this day holds special significance. National Adoptee Remembrance Day is not just a date on the calendar; it's a day to pause, reflect, and honor the complex, layered experiences of adoptees across the world.

For some, it might seem like just another day, but for us, it’s so much more. It’s about recognizing the unspoken stories, the ones carried deep within us, the stories that may not always have a place at the dinner table or in casual conversation. It’s about remembrance—of our past, our origins, and the many emotions that come with being an adoptee.

A Day for Our Collective Grief

Adoption, for many, is often viewed through a lens of "happy endings"—but that isn’t the whole story. National Adoptee Remembrance Day allows us to acknowledge the grief that is often intertwined with adoption. Whether it’s the grief of losing our birth families, the confusion of identity, or the heartache of navigating relationships that don’t fit society’s tidy narratives, this day gives us space to feel and honor those emotions.

There’s no shame in the sadness that might come up for you on this day. Whether you’ve been adopted for 30 years or just a few, grief can come in waves. Allow yourself to feel what comes, knowing that these emotions are valid, important, and deeply tied to your personal experience.

Honoring the Primal Wound

This day also asks us to remember the primal wound—the loss that happens when a child is separated from their biological mother. It's a wound that many of us carry, whether we speak about it openly or not. The primal wound impacts how we see ourselves, our ability to trust, and how we form relationships. This day of remembrance allows us to collectively recognize that we, as adoptees, carry this wound in unique ways, and we honor our journeys of healing.

Space for Our Voices

National Adoptee Remembrance Day is a chance to reclaim our narratives. For so long, the voices of adoptees have been overlooked in conversations about adoption. Our stories, our truths, and our experiences matter just as much as anyone else’s in the adoption triad. This day gives us the opportunity to speak up, to share our thoughts and experiences, and to know that we are heard.

It’s also a day to remember the adoptees who may no longer be with us—those who struggled with identity, rejection, or depression and felt like they had no one to turn to. Today, we remember them. We honor their lives, their stories, and their significance in our shared adoptee experience.

How Can We Commemorate National Adoptee Remembrance Day?

For many of us, commemorating this day can take different forms, and there is no right or wrong way to honor it. Here are a few ways you can observe this day with mindfulness and intention:

1. Journal Your Feelings – Take time to write down what National Adoptee Remembrance Day means to you. Reflect on your adoption journey, the highs and lows, and how far you've come. Let the words flow freely without judgment.

2. Light a Candle – In remembrance of the adoptees who are no longer with us, or for the parts of ourselves that feel lost, light a candle as a symbol of healing and hope. Let its warmth remind you that even in the darkest times, there is light.

3. Reach Out – Connect with fellow adoptees, whether online or in person. Share your experiences, listen to their stories, and hold space for each other’s journeys. There is something incredibly powerful about being seen and heard by those who truly understand.

4. Give Yourself Grace – If this day brings up difficult emotions, know that it's okay to feel them. Give yourself permission to grieve, to cry, or even to celebrate your resilience. Whatever you feel is valid, and you are allowed to take up space in those emotions.

5. Advocate for Change – Use this day to bring awareness to adoption-related issues, whether it's advocating for adoptee rights, open records, or better mental health resources for adoptees. Your voice matters, and this day is a powerful reminder that we, as adoptees, deserve to be heard.

A Day of Hope and Healing

While National Adoptee Remembrance Day can stir up a range of emotions—grief, sadness, loss—it is also a day for hope. It’s a day to honor our strength, our resilience, and the healing journeys we are on. We remember not just the challenges, but also the incredible growth that comes from being an adoptee.

On this day, let’s stand together as a community. Let’s remember our stories, honor our paths, and commit to continuing the healing journey, both individually and collectively. You are not alone. Your story matters, and on this day, we remember all that you are, all that you've endured, and all that you continue to become.

Closing Thoughts

National Adoptee Remembrance Day is a reminder that adoption is complex, emotional, and deeply personal. It’s a day to honor the adoptees who are here and those who are not, and to acknowledge the fullness of our experiences—the joy, the pain, and everything in between.

Take this day to be gentle with yourself, to reflect on your journey, and to connect with the adoptee community. You are worthy of remembrance, and your story deserves to be told.

On October 30th, we remember. And in that remembrance, we find healing.

Ready to Heal Together?

If you're seeking more support or a community that understands your journey, join me at Adoptees Healing Hub. Let's continue to heal, grow, and thrive together. You don't have to do this alone.