Have you ever felt like you were juggling so many roles that you lost sight of who you are? For adoptees, this struggle often starts early. Many of us grow up feeling like our identity is fragmented—split between what the world sees, the expectations placed on us, and the hidden questions we carry deep inside.

“Who am I, really?”
“Where do I belong?”
“Am I enough as I am?”

These are the questions that so many adoptees wrestle with, myself included. And for a long time, I didn’t realize how much they were influencing my life.

The Weight of Labels

For years, my identity was tied to being a homeschool mom. With seven kids, I poured my heart into teaching them, managing the chaos of family life, and trying to keep everything running smoothly. It was fulfilling in many ways, but somewhere along the journey, I lost myself.

I was so focused on being the “perfect mom” that I ignored the little voice inside asking, “But what about you?” I wasn’t just a mom, but I couldn’t see beyond that role. And honestly, I think this mirrors what so many adoptees experience.

We wear labels given to us—"adopted child,” “good kid,” or even “grateful adoptee.” We try to fit into molds, often feeling torn between our adoptive families, biological families, and the person we dream of becoming. And in the process, we can lose sight of our authentic selves.

The Turning Point

For me, the shift started with a single, audacious goal: to become a triathlete. At first, it felt impossible. I didn’t see myself as athletic or capable of balancing training with my busy life. But deep down, I craved something that was just for me—a challenge to reconnect with my strength, resilience, and identity outside of my roles.

Training wasn’t easy. Some days, I struggled to believe I could do it. But as I swam, biked, and ran, I began to peel back the layers of who I thought I was. I started to see myself not just as a mom, but as a strong, determined woman capable of achieving things I’d once thought were out of reach.

And in the process, I found a new sense of identity—a piece of me that had been waiting to emerge.

Lessons for Adoptees

If you’re an adoptee grappling with identity, let me tell you this: your journey doesn’t have to look like mine, but it starts with the same step—listening to that quiet inner voice.

Here are three things I learned along the way:

1. You Are More Than Your Labels
   Adoption may be part of your story, but it doesn’t define you. Your worth isn’t tied to anyone else’s expectations or decisions. Give yourself permission to explore who you are outside of the roles you’ve taken on.

2. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
   Sometimes, we find ourselves when we take on a challenge that feels scary or impossible. For me, it was triathlon training. For you, it might be reconnecting with your passions, joining a supportive community, or simply saying “yes” to something new.

3. Healing Is a Process
   Finding yourself takes time, and that’s okay. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the highs and lows. Seek support when you need it, and remember—you don’t have to have it all figured out at once.

You Are Enough

Becoming a triathlete didn’t just change my fitness; it changed how I see myself. I’ve learned that my identity is multi-faceted, and that’s okay. I’ve learned it’s OK to invest in myself, to explore who I want to be. I also have learned what it takes to make a drastic change and reinvent yourself.

If you’re an adoptee searching for who you are, know this: you are enough just as you are. Your journey is yours alone, and it’s never too late to rediscover the incredible person within.

Let’s talk about it. What’s one step you can take today to connect with your authentic self?

I’d love to hear your thoughts or support you on this journey. Drop a comment, send me a message, or share your story. Together, we can navigate this path to wholeness.

You’ve got this. 💛