When I moved to Texas I had to establish with a primary doctor in my area. For the first time in my life, I was able to fill out the medical history portion on the medical form. You see, as an adoptee, having access to one's medical history is not a given. Like many adoptees, for the last 60 years, my medical history has been hidden from me.  As I checked the boxes for the various diseases that seem to plague my biology, I wondered what role they would play in my life. I recently read the book, Dirty Genes by Dr. Ben Lynch. In his book he talks about how lifestyle and environment can turn on and off certain genes. Just because you have a certain propensity to a certain disease, doesn't mean that you will actually get it. Though cancer, heart attacks, obesity and diabetes run through my biology, my health-conscious clean eating, exercising lifestyle may break that pattern.

Last year after finding a biological sister on my maternal side, I was able to see pictures of my birth mother, aunts, uncles and siblings. Through several phone calls and e-mail exchanges with my biological half-sister, I heard about the cancer that took our mother's life and the various ailments that She and many other family members shared. At this point I realized that we had made dramatically different lifestyle choices along the way that has put us down different health paths. Even though we shared biology, we do not share the same disease outcomes.  At 60 years old I still do not take any pharmaceuticals. This is quite a difference from my birth family. My take away is, it's not the question of nurture versus nature as much it is, what responsibility are you going to take in your life.

Even though I had no role models within my adopted family, I made a choice to choose a lifestyle of health, nutrition and being active. I reinvented myself from a homeschool mother of seven who invested little in herself to a triathlete who trained daily and competed in triathlons, century rides, and half marathons.

At one time I felt guilty for ever doing anything for myself. I never even sat down in the evening because I told myself I couldn't stop working until all the work was finished. Newsflash... In a family of nine the work was never finished. I could never give myself permission to relax and take a break.

As I look back, I see the pattern of not seeing myself as worthy of good things. I always purchased the least expensive, got something on sale or did without. As I began my healing journey, I began investing in myself. First it was an expensive triathlon bike, then entrance fees for races, then finally after five years of saying, “someday, I'll spend the money on coaching school,” I did it! I decided it was time. In my five years wait the school had become accredited but it also increased in price several thousands of dollars. But, I felt good about the investment in me. My only regret was that I did not make the investment sooner. I would have been a much better parent if I could have given to my children from a healed place. The example to my daughters would have been a healthy one of a mother who invests in herself as well as her family, instead of a mother who modeled resentful martyrdom. You see, when we take care of ourselves, we have more to give to our families.

 As I reflect on this journey, I realize the most important lesson I've learned is that we are not bound by our biology. Just because my genetic makeup suggests a predisposition to certain diseases, doesn't mean that I have to follow the same path. It’s not about nature versus nurture—it’s about the conscious decisions we make every day to invest in our own well-being.

When I finally allowed myself to invest in my health and my passions, I not only broke away from a harmful mindset, but I set a powerful example for my children. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. By nurturing ourselves, we give others permission to do the same. My decision to prioritize my health, my happiness, and my growth didn't just transform my own life—it rippled through to my family, showing my children that they, too, are worthy of investing in themselves.

Looking back, I see now that healing isn’t about fixing what's broken, but about discovering your worth and giving yourself the grace to grow. At 60, I feel more empowered than ever to continue making choices that reflect that worth. And that’s the legacy I want to pass on—not one of sacrifice, but of strength, resilience, and self-love.

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